I’ve taken a few weeks off from this blog. One reason being I was a bit disillusioned with spirituality. Tired of seeking…that sort of thing and secondly, because I was just sorting out some things that didn’t end up going anywhere, truth be told.
I have been finding it hard to even want to go to church lately. My belief in God has not suspended. My belief in the goodness and the capabilities of church haven’t suspended. I’m just tired! I’m tired of trying to always figure every thing out. I was thinking today about the usual things my brain decides to catch on and ruminate over and I caught back onto an old talk I heard in church many years ago. I had probably only been in Athens then about two years at that point. I don’t even remember the gentleman’s name who gave the talk. I do remember he was supposedly my hometeacher…but I never officially met the dude. The EQ president pointed him out to me one time when he asked if I had been visited at all in the past year. I said I had not and he said well let me introduce you to your HT. I replied I wasn’t interested in an introduction really, and the EQ president felt that at the very least he needed to show me who he was. I also remember he was a UGA Law Student. This particular talk he was giving was his last talk in Sacrament because he was graduating and moving back out to California with his wife. Obviously, I have a good memory for things that don’t really matter! :-)
His topic was testimonies and how they are individual entities. (That’s the truth part). He then said a couple of things at the time that rubbed me the wrong way and I felt they were extremely short-sighted. He started to go off on a rant of sorts about how people shouldn’t need anyone or expect anyone else to care for another person’s testimony. He said that if we were expecting home teachers to come and they didn’t come, that shouldn’t affect our testimony or our growth in the church. (I remember at the time wondering if the EQ president hadn’t said something to him about never visiting my home. LOL Whatever!) I just remember kind of shutting off after hearing that portion because I was digesting this lack of responsibility toward another human spirit. It’s not something I identify with at. all. I didn’t know at the time that it was something that would settle so deeply into my brain either! It felt as though he had this idea that everyone was out surviving on his or her own mentality and if other people NEEDED the light of another person, they were weak or wrong. He didn’t come out and say those words…but I saw through what he was trying to say. He was saying it VERY badly. He was presenting this idea that we were ultimately NOT responsible for and to each other. I know what he was trying to MEAN was that we as individuals need to cultivate our own testimonies….but adding in that we weren’t at all responsible for the people under our jurisdiction is a complete contradiction to the things that Christ taught.
Matthew 18:10 -14
10 “Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven. 11 For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost.[a]
I don’t even know why his talk sprang to the forefront of my mind today. I’m not trying to guilt trip anyone or possible home teachers with me on their list at this time in my life. I think I should clear that up right now.:-) So you can sleep soundly. hahaha
What I do think though is that people who think this way are simply, wrong. I am not saying you need to spoon-feed someone; but sometimes another’s light or testimony can go a LONG way in the soul of a searching or lonely person. When I had sister’s to visit, I felt very MUCH that it was my charge to check in on them in whatever way they felt comfortable. Some women I got to visit and many other women I just sent notes to every month. I always asked what THEY needed. I feel strongly you MUST approach someone the way they tell you to approach them in order to earn their trust. (That’s another lesson I had to learn…but one I believe in deeply now.) I don’t really even know where I am going w/ these thoughts except to say that 12-years after the fact, I have a very long memory about something this man probably doesn’t even remember he said. Maybe I just had to remind myself that we SHOULD be willing to share our light if someone needs it and equally if someone is offering you their light, to recognize it and accept what they are willing to give.